


The War Has Been Won Here

by spockandawe



Series: Like The Morning Sun [7]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Bonding, Caretaking, Consent Issues, Emotions, Established Relationship, M/M, Past Abuse, Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 03:05:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15810027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spockandawe/pseuds/spockandawe
Summary: Starscream kicks Windblade out of his quarters before you’re even properly awake.From the sound of it, she doesn’t really mind going, she’s just kicking up a fuss to annoy Starscream. Besides, you’re sure she’s got places to go, things to do. Which goes for you too. You’re just in denial for a few kliks longer. Never even mind how the trip to Earth went, you were running short on recharge for ages before that, and sleeping feelsnice.And you’re pretending to be more asleep than you are, even though you know you’ve already gotten more of a break than you were supposed to. You’re mostly awake by the time Starscream comes back into the berth chamber, but your optics are still offline and your ventilations are still slow and even, and you don’t think he realizes.





	The War Has Been Won Here

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for indirect, oblique references to past abuse, and reference to nonsexual consent issues.
> 
> This story is a pretty direct sequel to two others, [the first](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13793508) and [the second (nsfw)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14497656), and may not make much sense without the context of the first particularly.
> 
>  
> 
> [Tumblr](http://spockandawe.tumblr.com/post/177431913626/the-war-has-been-won-here-spockandawe-the)

Starscream kicks Windblade out of his quarters before you’re even properly awake.

From the sound of it, she doesn’t really mind going, she’s just kicking up a fuss to annoy Starscream. Besides, you’re sure she’s got places to go, things to do. Which goes for you too. You’re just in denial for a few kliks longer. Never even mind how the trip to Earth went, you were running short on recharge for ages before that, and sleeping feels  _ nice. _

And you’re pretending to be more asleep than you are, even though you know you’ve already gotten more of a break than you were supposed to. You’re mostly awake by the time Starscream comes back into the berth chamber, but your optics are still offline and your ventilations are still slow and even, and you don’t think he realizes. 

He moves around quietly for a klik or so, and you gradually come to terms with the fact that yes, you’ve overslept enough, you really ought to get up. Besides, you’re not sure what Starscream has to  _ do _ in here that’s making that noise. Cybertronian rooms tend to be pretty bare-bones, and his office is just a few rooms over.

You bring your optics online to find him arranging the little folded sculptures of himself that Windblade gave him. But… it doesn’t look like he’s just adjusting them to show them off better, which is something he does often enough as it is.

“Did you hide those while she was here?”

He jumps and looks guiltily over at you, trying too late to hide the reaction. You can practically see the moment he decides to pretend that nothing ever happened. He says, “Wheeljack. Rested enough to begin the day, then?”

Nope, you’re not letting this go. “Where did you stash those? Did you build a secret compartment to hide them, just so Windblade wouldn’t know you liked her present?”

Starscream sniffs, disdainful. “Don’t be absurd. The secret compartment was already in place, I simply… repurposed it.” And before you can poke any more fun at him, he forges on ahead, stepping to the side of the berth and urging you upright. “If you’re  _ quite _ done, you ought to get up and moving, or we’ll be late.”

Late for what? Late for nothing, you’re pretty sure, because Starscream only herds you out to the main sitting room of his quarters, fills a cube of energon for you (and when you give him a meaningful look, fills another one for himself), and sprawls with you on the couch, his legs across your lap. He even takes not one, but  _ several _ sips of his own energon before setting it aside and leaning into your frame. One of his hands trails up and over your chest plating.

“You looking for a quick hardline?” you ask. “I don’t mind, but what happened to us being late?”

And— You  _ don’t  _ mind, you realize. Things feel better, now that you’re rested up. You’ve got a little distance, had some time to process. Caught a few solid defrag cycles. A hardline connection seemed too overwhelming to even consider yesterday, but it’s strange to remember yourself feeling like that, even though you know it happened. You made the offer without thinking about it, but yeah, you’re down.

“No,” says Starscream. “What, am I not allowed to touch you now? And besides, we  _ want _ to be late, I’m sick of Broadside thinking that the prospect of opening trade with the Galactic Council is even viable, never mind the way he thinks it should drive how we build up our manufacturing sector. Let him cool his heels for a while. He can wait for us to bother getting around to him.”

You’d sigh, but honestly, you don’t disagree. And it isn’t as though you linger for too much longer. Late is workable, but missing the meeting would be a problem. Though Starscream has a nice sense of timing, and the two of you arrive late enough that Broadside is seething, but not so late that he can kick up a real fuss. 

It’s back to the old familiar cycle after that, meeting after meeting, packed in tight enough that you’re not able to accomplish anything productive. And every spare moment you have, you’ve got about five or ten other mechs urgently wanting to meet with you about this and that. You’re not even supposed to be part of the politicking part of things, you’re an engineer. Still. It’s not exactly a fun time, but it is a routine you’re used to.

And, you realize, there’s a block of your time that’s been reserved by Starscream late in the afternoon for a meeting in your office. He’s got a different meeting on  _ his _ schedule, but with the attendance list hidden. So when you get to your office, you just get to chipping away at your to do list, and it’s really not much of a surprise when Starscream saunters into your office, locks the door behind him, and sits himself down on your desk.

You’re working, and so is he. Maybe you’re a little less productive than you’d be solo, but you’re not going to say no to some company. And honestly, you’ve been sorta wondering from the get go if this was going to be productive at all, or if Starscream is looking for another opportunity to drag you away from your work. You’re almost tempted to be annoyed at the high-handed disruptions, except it means that  _ he _ takes a break from  _ his _ work too, and you’ll absolutely take advantage of that to trick him into dialing it back a little.

For a few kliks, you’re almost convinced he’s about to make his way from his desk to your lap. Maybe for a frag or a hardline, maybe just for closeness, but you haven’t missed the way he’ll take any opportunity at all to get you to hold him. And you also haven’t missed the way he’s watching you closely now, even while he reads. You go ahead and clear away a few stacks of datapads he’s liable to knock off your desk. 

But he never makes a move toward you. It leaves you a little off-balance. He  _ is  _ keeping an eye on you, you’re sure of that. And if he wants something from you, he’s gotta know that all he has to do is ask. You even shoot a couple quick comms to Windblade to ask how Starscream was this morning (according to her, annoying but normal). The time keeps ticking past, but he still doesn’t do anything.

Well, you’re distracted enough you’re not getting anything done, so you might as well be the one to make the first move. You set your datapad aside and reach out to touch Starscream’s leg, and immediately, all his attention is on you. You say, “You want a hardline?”

“Not right now,” he says, which is enough of a surprise that it takes a nanoklik for it to register with your processor. Some of that surprise must come through in your optics, because even as he shifts a tiny bit away, he adds, “For shame, Wheeljack, we’re supposed to be  _ working.  _ Where could you ever have learned these bad habits?”

That’s more like the Starscream you know, and it’s humor to boot, which is enough to make you relax. A little. Not all the way. You go through the rest of the day on autopilot, honestly, just worried enough to keep you distracted. You’re not worried enough to make it worth pinging Windblade again, but she actually messages you when it’s getting on towards evening, letting you know she’s going out with Chromia for a night on the town, and maybe you want to spend the night with Starscream without her?

Yeah, you’re not going to get her fretting over what might be nothing, but it’s just enough to make you wonder if something feels  _ off _ to her too. Maybe she just noticed that Starscream was upset over your trip to visit Earth, maybe it’s something else.

Still, the moment you get free, you go to hunt down Starscream. He’s in his office, no surprise there, sitting with a discouragingly large stack of datapads. And when you check his schedule, he’s free for the day, so you go right ahead and put on a cheerful, oblivious face as you shoo him away from his desk and over towards his quarters. He manages to snag a few datapads to bring with him, but it’s still better than letting him sit at his desk all night.

Once you’re in his quarters, you manage to herd him into the washracks, and there’s no datapads in there. Just you and him, and it’s only a quick rinse, not even much talking. But it’s just the two of you, and it feels so good to let your optics cycle down and stop  _ thinking _ about things and just relax with him. You can feel him relaxing too, and slipping in close to lean up against your frame, and just that little bit of contact feels so good.

After you’re dried off and settled on a couch, you’re questioning yourself. You were worried? No, that’s ridiculous. Look at you, working yourself up over nothing. He’s got himself draped across your lap, the same as always, making biting asides to you as he reviews meeting minutes. One of your arms is pinned by his wing, but your other hand is resting on his chest, and he eventually tosses the datapad off to the side and reaches up to cover your hand with his. His optics go dim, and you can feel his vent cycles running slow and steady.

Your hand is almost right over his data port. You could— It would be nice, you think. There’s something about letting your memories drift back and forth with someone else’s that you can’t get anywhere else. Earth, yeah, that… happened. But that doesn’t count, that wasn’t the same as  _ this.  _ And now, it’s been days since you had a hardline with  _ Starscream. _

So you make a decision. You move your hand just a little, so you can brush your thumb across Starscream’s port cover, and say, “Yes?”

With him taking up your whole lap this way, you can feel the way he tenses. There’s no missing it. No lying to yourself this time, no convincing yourself that you’re making up the whole thing. He says, “I’d rather not,” but that’s not new information to you by then.

You’re not hurt (you’re a little hurt), but your processor is racing now, trying to put all these pieces together and understand what’s happening. What’s gone wrong, all of a sudden.

And the answer’s right there, isn’t it. It’s so obvious you’re ashamed you missed it. You should’ve realized days ago, honestly.

“I understand,” you tell him. “S’okay.”

“Oh?” He doesn’t sound like he especially believes you.

You make yourself shrug. “It’s understandable. If I was in your position, I wouldn’t be thrilled about sharing a port with Prime.”

You’re watching, so you see the way his mouth twitches downward. His face is perfectly neutral again a moment later, but you know what you saw. Yeah, you think you called that one. Should’ve realized, you’re just used to all your friends— _ Autobots— _ taking it in stride when someone hooks up with Optimus.

Except the next thing Starscream says is, “Don’t be stupid.” He doesn’t let go of your hand, but he reaches his other hand up to rest on the back of your neck. You’re already looking down at him, but he holds you steady there for a moment, examining you, looking for… something. He makes a dismissive noise and looks away across the room, “Really, you’re smarter than  _ that.” _

Okay, now you’re lost. “You don’t mind sharing a port with him?”

“I don’t  _ like _ it,” he says. Still not looking at you. “But that’s hardly the driving concern, is it.”

You wince. “I’m not tryin’ to ignore what you feel.”

His optics snap back to your face. He looks— confused. “What  _ are _ you talking about?”

Well— You thought you knew. You’re not sure anymore. At least Starscream looks approximately as lost as you are, and the two of you just stare at each other for a long moment without saying anything.

He breaks the silence first, speaking slow and careful. “Regardless of why you went to visit Earth. Regardless of how anyone felt about that. Something went  _ wrong." _

“I—”

“And, like I said before, I’m not asking what happened.” He doesn’t look too happy about that. “I’ve told Windblade not to be nosy either. But it’s fairly obvious something went badly.”

“Saying it went badly is a little strong,” you protest.

_ “Really.” _ His expression is incredulous.

“Look, I know it— I know it must’ve looked bad yesterday. But I left here exhausted, didn’t sleep much while I was gone. I was stressed and tired and blowing things out of proportion. It was good, I got to see Sideswipe, Sky Lynx, had a nice quick chat with Jazz—”

“Which is why you came back half a day early, of course. And immediately—” He cuts himself off. “I’m not asking you what happened.”

You’re… confused, honestly. Still confused.  _ More  _ confused. “You don’t want me to tell you?” Not that you really want to go into the specifics, least not before you’ve gotten to talk to Prime and get it straightened out with him what went down. But you can’t tell what Starscream wants from you.

He makes a face and turns his head away. “Are you really going to make me come out and say it?”

You spread your hand flat against his chest plating, sliding it up to rest right over his spark. “I’m sorry.”

Silence.

After a moment, you add, “It might not have been  _ perfect,  _ but I’m sure next time I can—”

_ “Next time?”  _ He twists to face you and pushes himself up on one elbow then, knocking your hand off his chest, his wing digging hard into your arm. He’s got you pretty well pinned, though it’s not like you want to get away. He’s studying you, looking so closely at your face that it’s hard to stay where you are without turning away. He looks angry, which doesn’t really surprise you that much, considering. But there’s something to his expression that almost makes you think he’s  _ afraid. _

The silence stretches out uncomfortably, until Starscream slowly lowers himself to lie down again. You move your hand back to him, rest it gingerly on his stomach. He doesn’t push you away, but crosses his own arms tight across his chest. He says, “You go away on your little trip and come back half a day early, without warning,  _ clearly  _ upset.”

“I told you, I was just—”

“And then, after you’re back, the very  _ moment _ I touch your port cover, you flinch. Don’t try to tell me you didn’t, you ought to be able to lie better than that.”

“Starscream, that was—” You trail off without finishing the sentence. You don’t know what to say. You weren’t thinking about it consciously, just. Right then, at that moment, it seemed like more than you could handle. It feels silly, looking back at it now. Lamely, you finish, “I was overreacting.”

_ “Overreacting.” _ His voice is acid. He looks unhappy, though you think he’s trying to hide it. And he doesn’t look you in the optic, just stares determinedly up at the ceiling as he continues. “Then you go ahead and let me know today that you happened to share a hardline with Optimus Prime while you were gone. You know, right before you came back early and upset. And flinched when I touched your port.”

“That wasn’t— I hope you’re not thinking—” Slow vent cycles. “Starscream, nothing happened that I didn’t agree to. I was happy to go along with what was on offer, that was all me.”

But that doesn’t seem to make him any happier. He shifts a little, crosses his arms even tighter, still not looking right at you. “And that’s all there is to things, I suppose.” You don’t understand. He glances your way and sighs. “So if you said yes from the start, there’s no other way for things to go wrong, is that what you’re saying? Don’t bother answering any of this, it’s rhetorical. There’s no reason you would have bolted back to Cybertron first thing in the morning? No reason you would have… reacted like that to the suggestion of a hardline? Having had a hardline with Optimus Prime the night before is  _ purely _ a coincidence, I’m sure.”

You don’t know what to say. You don’t— It felt bad at the time, you know it did. But you know Prime too well to think that he  _ meant _ it. If you’d been able to articulate what you were thinking a little better, he’s never been one to— He’s always been ready to listen to what his people have to say.  _ Always. _ The more you think about this, the more you think it must’ve been a one-time fluke, it’s just so much unlike the Prime you’ve known for so long. But you don’t have any clue how to tell that to Starscream.

He’s studying you from the corner of his optic. “I told you. You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I’m not going to  _ ask.” _ He still doesn’t exactly look happy about that, but he’s said it enough times you think he might mean it.

“Sorry,” you say, because you can’t think of much else.

His head falls back and he sighs.  _ “You’re  _ not supposed to be sorry, that’s the entire  _ point.” _

He doesn’t lift his head, but he uncrosses his arms and reaches down to lay one hand over yours again.

After a few quiet nanokliks, he adds, “If, for whatever reason—and I don’t want you to explain or justify  _ anything,  _ just listen—if someone has pushed you. Intimately. In a way you didn’t want to be pushed. However that happened, for whatever reason. No matter  _ who,  _ but if it was someone you trusted—” His voice trails off for a moment. He makes a face and presses on. “I  _ hope _ you don’t think I’d keep pushing you in the same way.”

There’s a lot you could say to that. You want to explain why you were so off, and why it’s not an issue  _ now.  _ There’s a big part of you that wants to defend Optimus, and explain that while it was bad, it’s not  _ like him. _ And you don’t know what happened, but you’ve been close for millions of years, and you’re sure he wouldn’t want to break trust with you that thoughtlessly. But you don’t even know where to begin. And Starscream... said not to explain. Later. You’ll figure out what you think and talk about this later.

Because— You pause in your thoughts long enough to shift the hand resting on Starscream’s stomach, so his fingers and yours are all tangled together. Because Starscream cares about you. You know that. You really do. And you care about him. But this is  _ not  _ something you would have expected him to really consider. Not an area where you would have expected him to have such strong feelings. Makes you wonder— Decepticon high command was effective in some ways. Frightening to watch in others. You never had a great picture of how they all worked together, but now you’re really, really wondering what’s in some of those blacked-out memory files Starscream still hasn’t shown you.

But you can’t push him on it now. And you shouldn’t  _ push,  _ either. Especially not after how careful he’s trying to be with you. And you can't tell him directly that you appreciate what he’s trying to do, or he’ll shut down hard.

You venture, “I meant it, when I asked for a hardline.”

“No.” Starscream sighs again, still not looking you in the face. But you can see him faintly smile. His hand is still holding yours, and he shifts in place, settling down, lying across your lap, your arm pinned under his wing again. And after a moment, he says, “Ask me again tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](http://spockandawe.tumblr.com/post/177431913626/the-war-has-been-won-here-spockandawe-the)


End file.
